What is FADI? Also, I do all the things.

Welp, that didn’t take long, you are probably thinking. She ran out of things to post about and now we’re getting just random pictures of stuff in her house.

Sure, at first glance it’s a little boring. Some soft totes, a tall toolbox with some ghetto looking labels on it and a plastic 3 drawer organizer with clothes in it. I mean, the fat stubby Magellan is nice, but nothing noteworthy about a fat cat laying in front of a window, right? Well, the story of the stuff (not the cat) might STILL be boring after you read it, but it’s an important one for me.

I have had a lot of trouble with chronic illness in the last 5 years. I’ll save the long story of how I almost went mixed nuts because no doctor could treat it successfully or even wanted to take me seriously for another post. But my snarl of issues (and what I’ve been diagnosed with) is what I’m going to call FADI: fibromyalgia, anxiety, depression, and insomnia (all chronic).

While I am forever grateful to have a wonderful NP at Hope Family Health here in town that refuses to give up on me and has helped me manage FADI, I’m still struggling to accept that it’s out of my control and I’m not going to be able to do things the same way. I could be stuck with some level of this for the rest of my life. Things will be going well and just when I think I’ve got it licked, FADI emerges from it’s cocoon, ready to claim my sleep, patience, and sanity as it’s victims for the next few months.

During those down periods, it is a monumental struggle to accomplish even basic daily tasks. Most days I am lucky if I can feed the cats and feed us. I have to try to meet deadlines at work and have trouble focusing. I also try to attend at least the required meetings for city stuff. People probably think I’ve been kidnapped during those times, but I just don’t have the energy to talk to anyone unless necessary. I feel like I have marshmallow fluff in my head and my body aches and feels full of lead. I fight to stay awake all day and then can’t sleep longer than a few hours at a time at night if at all. By the 3rd day I’m so cracker jacks I HAVE to sleep during the day or else I will go from being an unpleasant person to be around to:

j7z9oieI have no mouth filter when this happens. It’s not pretty at all. I have tantrums over stuff like dropping a slice of pizza on the floor.

During these times, I feel guilty because my hubby is covering most of the housework, not physically or mentally being able to be there for friends and family, and when I’m trying to focus on work but it’s a rough day. So when I’m back to standard operating procedure and I’m feeling good, my body wants to go-go-go get as much done as possible because I never know how I will feel day to day or week to week. Do all the things, attend all the events, be there for everyone, tackle all my to-do list…I end up wearing myself out and then I’m back to feeling like a zombie.

giphy

After a down period at the start of the year and good times March – June, July and August have been hard as hell. I’ve envisioned so many times turning into a bed burrito and refusing to come out until October. I’ve missed a lot of awesome events because I either had to work or just couldn’t pull the energy together to be “on” for a group of people for a few hours. This summer has been all the harder to handle due to the disgusting attitudes of our country and it’s leaders.

I think EVERYONE, regardless of whom you support, is stressed out from our dumpster fire of a political system these days. This is pretty much my reaction any time I see a trending news topic or get a notification:

whatnow

The blind acceptance of ignorance and the bullying and name calling we embrace these days depresses me. The decisions being made not for the good of the citizens but because someone is on a power trip angers me. The idea that Trump could start WWIII through a tweet terrifies me. Seeing great friends go through unbelievable personal tragedies hurts. All that with a dash of summer depression and insomnia makes a heaping helping of shutting down and playing the NOPE game for a while:

nope

As this is already long enough, after what seemed to be the worst episode of FADI in a long time, things seem to be looking up a bit. The suffocating Tennessee humidity finally broke, I’ve slept a little better this week, and I’ve tried to disconnect from politics just to give my worrywart brain hamster a break before I killed it for good. And this weekend I was PRODUCTIVE!

That is what you see in the images above. Our tools have been scattered all throughout that storage room, between 3 different toolboxes and in random spots through the house. I consolidated them into one box and organized them. I went through the massive pile of junk that was sitting there and put the 3 drawer organizer there for my clothes (our main bedroom is still a disaster from some completed foundation work, so I had no place to temporarily put my clothes). The only dirty clothes in the entire house are the ones we have on. I went through boxes of cat toys to toss the ones in rough shape and cut them down by about 50% (no worries, that’s still about 20 times more cat toys than most cats have). And a lot of other little miscellaneous things that I’ve been meaning to get around to for days/months/years. It will never be spotless, but it’s a refreshing change from our usual pace:

eBIjnHQ

Now my back is killing me, because I tried to do everything while I had the energy to do it. But 2 days of work has put a big dent in what was left to declutter/organize on the first floor of our house. I’m so stoked at what I’ve accomplished, and I know the hubby appreciates some friggin’ help.

So while those pictures may seem boring to you, they fill me with gratitude that I was able to get it together for a few days at least to help make our home better organized.

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5 Responses to What is FADI? Also, I do all the things.

  1. Wow, I didn’t realize you struggle with this too. I’m going to call it FADI too. Have had depression and anxiety almost all my life. Fibro and insomnia set in farmer my first husband’s death. (((Hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

    • Depression has been an issue for me for about 15 years, but the other 3 didn’t really kick in until 2012. I’ve had a lot of trial and error on treatments and ways to manage it over the years, so I figured anything I can share that might help others or at least help people realize they are not alone and that these are REAL illnesses (and you aren’t imagining it), then I have no problem being more open about my health issues. Plus, I can talk about what works and doesn’t for me, which may show options people wouldn’t have otherwise considered 🙂

      Thanks for the lovely comment. I’ve followed you over the years through your blog and then Facebook, and you’ve had more than your share of heartbreak. I admire your perseverance though, and I enjoy seeing you and your husband explore parks with your grandson. He will have wonderful memories of that for the rest of his life. Some of my best memories were of spending time with my grandparents, who were younger and more active than most.

      Like

  2. Pingback: Who the heck ARE you? | When Cats Attack

  3. Pingback: Adventures of FADI Queen Part I: Origin Story | When Cats Attack

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